Painted Desires
by 1Phantom Pherax2
Summary: X3 Ritsuka is now under the care of Soubi's friend Kio.  But to Ritsuka, there is something more important then staying put for the Sentouki.  He has to find the real Loveless.  While visiting Ritsusensei, Soubi uncovers and email about himself.  Rated T
1. Chapter 1

_Painted Desires_

_By: Phantom Pherax_

_Summary:_ Soubi is terrified when he finds out Seimei is alive and fears he will be forced away from Ritsuka. After having truly fallen in love with the young neko boy he will do anything to keep it from happening.

**X1**

_**I want to see him…**_

**Aoyagi Ritsuka stared out of the classroom window with that one thought on his mind as Shinonome-sensei lectured her class. The college adult had not shown up to see him in days while Ritsuka was just stubborn enough not to call him. It left him wistfully wishing he could see him.**

_**Soubi…I feel safe with him, like nothing bad will ever happen no matter what anyone does…but he still lies to me and goes behind my back…no, I don't want to see him…**_

**He could still remember the question he had asked Soubi months ago when he had dreamt the Sintouki had killed everyone he cared for. Wondering if Seimei were still alive and ordered him to kill him if he would do it. He somehow knew it wasn't a lie when Soubi said he would die first. It was the very moment something had begun in their relationship, yet he still hadn't quite figured out what it was.**

**Earlier, the Sintouki had come to him while he was tied to a chair in his home. He came to him truly frightened of something, wanting them to run away together. He wouldn't tell him what he had been so afraid of, just that he had had a frightening experience.**

_**I want to see him…**_

**Ritsuka's mind slipped back to his previous thought, wondering what Soubi could ever be afraid of. To this day he still refused to tell him what had happened. **

_**Soubi…what were you so afraid of?**_

**After the experience, Soubi had not been the same…"All rise!"**

**He felt as if there was nothing he could do for him…"Bow!"**

**He felt utterly useless to him..."Thank you!"**

**Was there really nothing he could do? "Ritsuka-kun."**

**Ritsuka looked up at Yuiko's soft spoken voice next to him. She stood next to his desk. The rest of the class had already left the room. "Ritsuka-kun, class is over," she told him.**

**Ritsuka stood from his desk and gathered his books. "Gomen ne," was all he could utter to her at the moment. She watched him worried. **

"**Ritsuka-kun is everything okay with you and Soubi-san?" she asked. Ritsuka stopped and looked up at her. He realized earlier that she was abnormally perceptive of other people. He simply wished that sometimes, times like this, she wasn't. "Soubi-san hasn't come by to get you in days. You guys didn't have a fight again did you?"**

**Ritsuka shook his head. "No. Everything is fine. Gomen nasai Yuiko, I have to go." With that he quickly grabbed up the rest of his paper and nearly sprinted out the door. Ever persistent, Yuiko followed after him. "Ritsuka-kun! Wait up! Ritsuka-kun!"**

**Down the hall Ritsuka stopped when he noticed the figure down by the school gates. He didn't notice Yuiko running up behind him. "Gomen ne!" she breathed heavily. "Gomen ne Ritsuka-kun! I didn't mean to upset you!" When the neko boy didn't answer she followed his gaze out the window down to the gate. "Oh. Soubi-san!" she yelled out the window gleefully. "Soubi-san, up here!"**

**While she waved Ritsuka took off down the stairs toward the courtyard. "Soubi! Soubi!"**

**Putting out his lit cigarette Soubi turned to face the boy smiling. "Hello Ritsuka. How have you been?" he asked lightly.**

"**Don't give me that!" Ritsuka yelled infuriated. "You haven't contacted me in three days, baka!"**

**Soubi blinked. "Gomen. I had school work I needed to tend to. Kio took away my phone until I finished." He leaned his back against the brick wall behind him.**

**Ritsuka blinked. "Oh. H-how did it turn out? Your assignment."**

"**I don't know. I wanted to see Ritsuka so I left the art show before I could find out."**

**Ritsuka flushed glancing away from his Sintouki. He left so he could see him. "Soubi?" his voice came out soft, as if above a whisper.**

"**Yes?"**

"**Would you…paint something for me?" he asked flushing even more.**

"**For Ritsuka I will do anything." Soubi smiled, however, his smile soon vanished. The Sintouki's memory vividly alive with the scene he could not stop replaying. When he had heard the voice he never again wanted to hear. He had yet to straighten anything out of it. It vexed him certainly, to know that he was marked as the 'Beloved' Sintouki only to be pushed aside while his so called 'Sacrifice' had another. Had this 'Nisei' been his real Sintouki? If so, why had he been marked? Why could he not be fully connected with Ritsuka? Was that the reason?**

"**Soubi?"**

**With a disclosed 'hm?' Soubi looked down at him. Amethyst eyes full of desire and unabashed wanting stared back at him. "Are you okay?"**

"**Of course." Soubi told him smiling. **

_**I cannot lose Ritsuka because of this. I will not.**_

"**Gomen Ritsuka. I have to go." With a heavy heart weighing him down Soubi turned and began to walk away. He could not bear to see his Sacrifice when he was in his current condition. **

"**Soubi wait!"**

**Soubi stopped when his right arm was grabbed by a pair of small hands. "Wherever it is you're going, I'm going with you." Ritsuka demanded. "You're not leaving me alone again."**

**Soubi smiled faintly. "Is that an order?"**

**Ritsuka sighed. "Yes, baka. That's an order. Now take me with you."**

"**Tski dai ou, Ritsuka."**

"**Whatever." Ritsuka mumbled glancing away with a blush bright on his cheeks.**

"**Where would you like to go?" Soubi asked.**

**Ritsuka thought about it for a moment. He wanted to be with Soubi alone so he could once again try to ask him what he was afraid of. They couldn't go to his place, Natsuo, Youji, and Kio would be there. His mother would surely be home, but she would be downstairs. "…My house. We're going to my house and I want you to meet me in my room. If you understand that, then do it."**

**Soubi nodded. "I will do whatever Ritsuka wishes."**

_**And I will not lose him.**_

**Ristuka nodded his head once.**

_**I won't lose him.**_

_A/N: Different layout, but I hope everyone enjoyed! It gets better. It kind of mixes together the animated series and the manga, but hopefully in a way that makes sense. Reviews welcomed! No flames._


	2. Chapter 2

_Painted Desires_

_By: Phantom Pherax_

_A/N/laughs/ I leave this story up for a couple of days and you guys are already close to arguing over spelling…………I LOVE YOU GUYS YOU MAKE ME FEEL SO SPECIAL RANDOM CUPCAKES FOR EVERYBODY/ throws random cupcakes at everyone/ X3 But I did notice another spelling error. It's spelled Sentouki, not Sintouki. My mistake! Gomen ne._

**X2**

**Young Ritsuka sat on the edge of his bed as Soubi stood with his back against the window. Neither one said a word, but both wanting to. Ritsuka wanted to demand why Soubi felt he couldn't tell him what he was afraid of. Did he feel that whatever usefulness he had for him was done? Was he simply not good enough? The neko boy glanced down at the cell phone in his hand. The last words he ever wanted to say spilled from his lips. "What will you do with me since I'm no good to you?" They hung heavy in the air between them waiting to be moved.**

**Soubi blinked, surely more confused then before. "What do you mean?" he asked kneeling before his Sacrifice.**

**Ritsuka looked away, almost ashamed. "You know what I mean. You won't tell me what made you so afraid, like I'm no use to you. How are we supposed to be connected if you won't open up to me?" he demanded. "Am I no good to you as a Sacrifice or a friend?"**

**Soubi stared at him, stricken with shock as his heart seemed to be squeezed in his chest. He realized that it was because he had not told Ritsuka about his encounter with Nisei. He couldn't tell him. It would mean to Ritsuka that he had lied. Seimei is still alive. "Ritsuka-"he looked away ashamed for feeling this way, filled with guilt and fear. "-I honestly can't tell you what happened. Forgive me."**

"**Don't say that dammit!" Ritsuka yelled. "Whatever it is I can help. I may not be as insightful as Yuiko…but…I…" With a heavy hearted sigh Ritsuka hung his head. "Why won't you let me help you Soubi?"**

**Soubi looked to one of the walls, to the one where their pictures hung together in a collection. "Suki dayo, Ritsuka."**

**Said neko boy grabbed a fistful of Soubi's shirt. "That doesn't answer my question, baka," he growled.**

"**I can't do that." Soubi told him sadly.**

**Ritsuka's head shot straight up, his eyes wide. "Why not?" he demanded. "I thought you only couldn't tell me information that pertained to Septimal Moon?" Soubi's eyes closed and he looked away from his Sacrifice. With a trembling hand Ritsuka released his shirt and scooted back on the bed. "It has something to do with Septimal Moon, doesn't it?" he asked.**

**Soubi stood from his kneeling position. "Gomen Ritsuka. I must go now."**

**Tears leaked from Ritsuka's tear ducts as his Sentouki turned toward the window. **_**Don't turn your back on me, please.**_** Falling from his chin they landed on his knees, soaking into the denim. **_**Don't leave me like this.**_** "I'm not…really your Sacrifice…am I?" Ritsuka whispered to thin air. Soubi had left and the curtain now flapped from the wind outside. **

**Pulling his knees up to his chest Ritsuka rested his forehead on his knees and sobbed silently until his mother called him down for dinner once again.**

**The meal went smoothly until he saw the burdock noodles. The very same kind Soubi had made once before. She had never made them before then. Ritsuka swallowed hard and reached for the noodles. He liked them, but waited to see if the Ritsuka from before liked them as well…**

"**You're not my Ritsuka." Misaki's eyes were hidden by her bangs. Ritsuka swallowed hard as she stood and slammed her hand against the table. "You're not my Ritsuka!!" she screamed. Ritsuka looked away flinching as dishes hit the floor and shattered. "You're not my…Ritsuka!!! Give him back!"**

**The table tipped and Ritsuka was pulled up by his shirt. He refused to look her in the face and stared at the floor. The image of Soubi walking away replayed in his mind. "Give him back!" Misaki screamed pushing him back. Ritsuka collided with the chair and it the wood broke under his weight. Laying on his side, his cheek bleeding and his body now sore, Ritsuka stayed still, watching his mother wined through another painful fit. **_**Gomen mother. I don't belong to you, and I don't belong to Soubi…**_**Slowly his eyes began to close to darkness.**

**Soubi looked back at the house when he heard the sound of crashing dishes and breaking wood. He had simply jumped out of Ritsuka's window; he had not left all together. He was now glad he hadn't. Misaki had been thrown into a rage and Ritsuka was more than likely in the middle. Inside the bedroom he quietly crept down the stairs and peered around the corner. Misaki had her back turned and Ritsuka was out cold on the floor. His heart jumped and before Misaki could turn around Ritsuka was in his arms and they were bounding from the window in his room.**

_**I will not take him back. I will not let him go through with that anymore. Ritsuka, gomen nasai. Gomen nasai…**_** tears flew in the wind behind them.**

_A/N: A little short. But it gets better. Thank you everyone who enjoys it!_


	3. Chapter 3

_Painted Desires_

_By: Phantom Pherax_

_A/N: Hello again! I'm glad everyone is enjoying the story thus far. X3 Hooray for random moments with book stores and random moments period!!! And squirrels look adorable in blue jeans that fit them/gives a really big anime thumbs up/ You guys are awesome, I really love your comments and spelling corrections and criticism. I don't know myself how this story is gonna end, I'm always winging it. XD But I am trying to keep it present to both the anime and manga, but since they're both so somewhat different it's gonna take some work. Thank you short attention span! Wait….should that be something to thank??? Find out at the end of this chapter!_

**X3**

**Nightmares plagued the neko boy. His fears, concerns, his own darkness crept up on him whilst he rested. He would run, but he never seemed to be able to move very far. No matter how hard he could pump his legs. Sweat poured down his forehead and down his cheeks. 'Seimei……………Soubi…' His voice had vanished. He couldn't scream, couldn't cry out, couldn't call for help. 'If the darkness devours me, does that mean the old Ritsuka will come back? But…I'm not ready. I don't want to die!' Forcing his legs to push harder he tried to outrun the darkness. Soon, his heart stopped completely and he fell to his knees. He turned only to see the darkness falling over him. "No! I said I'm not ready!!" he screamed.**

**Gasping for breath Ritsuka shot up in bed. His eyelids drifting to a halfway point the realized it was a dream. A strange dream, just like the last one. But this time it really seemed like he would vanish. Was it telling him something to that extent? Was the old Ritsuka close to coming back? He wasn't ready to be forgotten. "Hm?"**

**Looking up Ritsuka found himself under sheets in a bed that wasn't his own. In the bed that belonged to Soubi, but the Sentouki was nowhere to be seen. Nor was Natsuo or Youji, the male Zeros. The only person that was there, was Soubi's college friend Kio. He sat on the floor with his back to the bed reading a magazine. Looking out of the corner of his eye he found him awake and smiled. "Hey. You move a lot in your sleep, did you know that?" he asked.**

**"Where's Soubi?" Ritsuka asked not answering his question.**

**Kio shrugged. "Don't know. He left a while ago but he didn't say where he was going. He did ask me to keep you here though." He eyed his injuries. "I guess he has good reason to keep you here too."**

**Ritsuka shook his head. "No. I can't stay here. I have to leave." Tossing the sheets aside he threw his legs over the side of the bed only to wince from his injuries. **

**"And where do you plan on going?" Kio demanded. "You can't go back home."**

**"I'm not." Ritsuka told him simply. "But there's someone I have to find. I have to leave Soubi."**

**Kio blinked and sat his magazine down. "What's up?" he asked. "Why do you suddenly wanna dump Soubi? Is it because you don't feel useful to him anymore? Is that it?" he wondered. "Soubi's been acting kind of weird lately, so that must be it."**

**Ritsuka looked away knowing he was right. He was always willing to accept Soubi as a Sentouki because he would fight for him no matter what. However, he wanted them to be connected, but he would do nothing to help them along. He continually lied to him and withheld information that would help them. Recent events proved that he was nothing more then a commander to Soubi. If that was all he wanted then he could go back to the Sentouki school he came from and find someone else. "I don't want to be lied to anymore," he said aloud. "If I'm expected to be of use then I want to be connected to someone who won't lie to me. Someone…I will be useful to. Someone…I'll really belong to."**

**"Ritsuka, I'm sure there's a reason why Soubi's lied to you. Don't you think he wants to tell you but there's a life or death reason why he can't?"**

**Ritsuka sighed. "He doesn't trust me." "I'm sure that's not the reason." Kio assured him. "There has to be something else. I mean, I've never seen Soubi as happy as I do seeing him with you. You're just a kid, but you've changed him a lot since he met you."**

**Ritsuka didn't say anything. Too many thoughts ran through his mind for him to say anything comprehensible to what Kio told him. Soubi walked away from him, then rescued him. He lied to him, but protected him. He went behind his back, said he would do anything he asked of him, but he continued to deny him information. He wanted to find the real 'Loveless'. Because no matter how they connected, Soubi was still 'Beloved'. Ritsuka forced himself to realize that was the painful truth. "Please," he pulled his shirt over his shoulder, "don't tell him I left."**

**"Huh?!" Kio's eyes widened. "Wait a minute Ritsuka, even if Sou-chan didn't ask me, I can't let you leave in this condition!" He stood from the floor, putting his hands to Ritsuka's shoulders in an attempt to get him to lay back down. "Just lay back down and get some rest. Okay?"**

**Ritsuka shook his head. "No. This is something I have to do, no matter what Soubi says," he told him determinedly. The right sleeve of his shirt slid down. Before he reach to pull it back up Kio looked over his shoulder to his back.**

**"Since when did you get a tattoo kid?" he wondered curiously.**

**Ritsuka looked at him in amazement. "What do you mean tattoo?" he demanded.**

**Kio pulled the shirt sleeve away to see the marking clearly. "Well if it's not a tattoo, then someone must have written it on you. It's a word."**

**Ritsuka's eyes widened. He swallowed hard and slowly. "What does it say?"**

**"Here, turn around." Ritsuka, with Kio's help, slowly turned on the bed. "There we go." Kio said when the young boys back was facing him. "It says…'loveless', but it's very slight. Almost as if it's either faded, or it's not all the way finished. Weird." Ritsuka could feel himself begin to break out in a cold sweat. Yamato had told him once before that the names of a Sacrifice and a Sentouki appeared somewhere on their body, sometimes in a place that could not be seen. He knew now that she had been right. Did that mean Soubi had the same marking even though he had the name 'Beloved' etched across his neck?**

**He was only there to find out one thing, that was it. Perhaps, if he received the answers he was looking for there would be more questions. In the office he was surrounded by dead hanging butterflies. A collection of the very creatures he hated for their sheer defenselessness. Had he a choice, he would not be there at all, but he needed answers. He leaned against the wall next to a window with his arms crossed waiting. He came to see him and was asked to wait while he did something else. Ritsu-sensei surely had a full schedule. Soubi resound himself to starring at the floor to avoid making any eye contact with the dead butterflies.**

**As he sighed a message window popped up on Ritsu-sensei's computer with 'Important! Sentouki!' as the subject title. Looking around the office he didn't find Ritsu-sensei anywhere nearby, and curiosity was certainly getting the better of him. Pulling the desk chair back he reached for the mouse and clicked on the message. His eyes roamed through. His hand fell away from the mouse, horrified. The message…was about him…**

_  
A/N: Short attention spans! To thank them or not to thank them!! …………It's an even 50/50. And there is your answer! Whether or not you have a different one is all up to you guys! I'm just hoping you still like the story since I'm trying to keep it up with the manga and the anime. X3;;_  



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